[He snags the hot sandwich with his favorites in it and uncaps the thermos of apple tea. He pours them both a drink. Then he sighs,] Something happened to all of my forms. As you know I was in a coma for a week…here.
I experienced home, there. Months of time. When I woke up my fur looked like this. The patterns were as you see now. I decided to take a flight the day after I woke and when I became Dvalin it wasn’t Dvalin. It’s as far as I can tell the body and structure of it is similar but not quite.
[Dainsleif seats himself at the kitchen table with his own sandwich and drink, and nods slightly as Kaeya speaks of his coma. He'd known, yes... and had been concerned... and it is a relief that the young man is up and about again. Just another thing to be annoyed about when it comes to that damned fox, though.]
Hm...
[He rubs his fingertips thoughtfully against the mark on his cheek, where it branches and peters out over his cheekbone, and picks up his cup of tea.]
Something uniquely you, I would guess, rather than your attempts to mimic the form of something else.
Yes. [He sighs. How does he bring up the touchier part of it? He swirls his tea then sips it. Fuck it, it's Dain. He can just say it.] My left eye changed too. It used to be as blue as the other one.
[He undoes the ties holding it in place and sets it on the table. His left eye burns gold, a phoenix mark in the depth of it. He coughs and his face heats a little.] The mark was there before. Luc has an icy peacock to match it.
[He skips right past that as he says mildly.] ...have you used those golems?
[He's never seen Kaeya without his patch before, but he doesn't visually react to the removal. Much like himself, the other man had his own reasons for hiding what was behind it, but that he chooses to take it off now is a touching gesture.
So Dainsleif only smiles and leans back in his chair, sipping at his drink and closing his eyes for a moment as the warmth of it sinks into the centre of his chest.]
Mm... unfortunately, I have. I was against the idea to begin with, but I was... persuaded.
[He does not like the idea of messing around with large mechs, really. Doesn't seem like a good plan.]
I don't intend to do it again. It wasn't what I would call a comfortable experience.
[He rubs at the scar around his left eye. The thought of what he saw within his own soul is not worrying, just.] Just like the magic I was given, I wanted to see the results and experience it for myself.
I met...a rather interesting bard in the process. But we saw into what I think was the depths of my soul. It was nothing like I expected. [Soul or the place he felt safest. Which makes him wonder why the gateway out was so... He shakes his head and takes a bite of his sandwich.]
Your soul? That sounds very different to what most others experienced... and certainly my own experience of it.
[While where Dainsleif had ended up had not been particularly welcome, it had been a place that sat fondly in his faded memory as somewhere safe, somewhere that could always be reliably retreated to.
He has those memories back now. The mental image of his old home returned to him in crisp clarity. It's almost cruel, and yet he wouldn't want to lose it again.]
[He wraps his hands around his drink and thinks about it. The more he thinks the more he realizes he got it wrong. A visible widening of his eyes. He snorts,] Damn I'm young.
We saw Mondstadt. But it wasn't quite Mondstadt. No people. It was Mondstadt but not. Some of it was things I saw and heard with the clan. Angel's share was unchanged. And the gate out was...a pair of doors. Father used to describe a lot of things and it feels like it was cobbled together from that. The statue behind it was me. Half dressed as I am now, half as I did with the clan.
It was comfortable even if there were no people. That's why I felt like leaving. Mondstadt isn't meant to be silent. If there had been people in it. Music. Sound. The hustle and bustle I'm used to hearing every day? I would have felt like staying a while.
Edited (realized an error and this is better.) Date: 2023-02-17 04:03 am (UTC)
[Ah... that does make more sense. It sounds like the place had been cobbled together from a combination of places where Kaeya had once or currently felt as if he was safe, with no line drawn between the different locations and points in time.
Leave it to Kaeya to make things complicated like that, but it does make Dainsleif think - as someone who is essentially a child of two worlds, and one of them being a country once directly destroyed by the gods... is there really anywhere where Kaeya truly feels entirely safe?
A sobering thought.
He reaches over and gently clasps his hand against Kaeya's upper arm, just for a moment.]
I found myself back in Khaenri'ah again. My old residence this time. I... [Hm.] I keep wondering if I might have the opportunity to show it to you some day.
[He covers the hand on his upper arm and let's go as quickly as Dain does.] I hope you can one day. You've seen the house here. I'm surprised that wasn't where I ended up. Or here.
[He looks into his mug as his face grows hot. It's safe to be honest here. He still lowers his voice a little.]
...This is the happiest I've ever been. It feels like I can just be me. Thank you for that, as always. [Then he rubs the back of his neck as he adds,] Can I ask a question?
[He does sometimes wonder if Kaeya is really ready to see Khaenri'ah. If it might be too much, or if the reality might not live up to his expectations. In the end, though... he can push those concerns aside with the knowledge that the younger man would likely simply just love to see the place for what it was.
Dainsleif settles back into his own chair and lifts his cup to his lips. His eyes dart Kaeya's way at the question and he pauses for just long enough to sip his drink before he answers.]
Of course you can. [Any question, of course, always comes with the caveat that Dainsleif may not be able to answer it. That is something that has been long-established.] You don't need to ask my permission for that.
[His ears perk up then lower. He coughs and looks to the side. How to ask this? He decides to go for it.] Would you describe it to me? Your old residence. It's alright if you'd rather not.
[Like any time he jots things down, he pulls out a small battered-looking journal. It will be placed in his private files, just like all the rest. Things Dain wants to be kept private go into a locked journal for their eyes only.]
[He finds it interesting that that is the question that was asked out of all of the potential ones that Kaeya might have chosen in that moment. If it had been asked of him before that particular journey into the past he would not have been able to answer it save for in vague impressions which he would not have even been able to guarantee were from his own home.
But... there is a condition that comes with this particular query. Dainsleif reaches over and lightly places his hand on the notebook.]
But not for that. This isn't a lesson or something to be committed to record. This is my home, Kaeya. Do you understand?
[Kaeya tips his ears slightly and smiles gently. There is a lot he could say, but he says the most honest.] I understand how precious a home is.
[He meets his eyes.] All of my records have not just been to preserve the past. But also to preserve what you remember for yourself.
[He tucks his pen away.] But, I understand. There are some things I don't want to be written down too. [He merely has to think about this morning; Diluc smiling at him from the bathroom. Just for him. He straightens up.]
[He was sure Kaeya would understand, and he smiles slightly as he nods and then wraps both hands around his cup.]
I lived not too far from the king's palace, high enough in the city to have the most... spectacular view. [Dainsleif doesn't meet Kaeya's eyes - he's looking at the table, his gaze distant as he remembers things that he had thought lost to him forever.] It wasn't anything special, as far as homes go... I had no need for unnecessary luxury.
[That he prefers the simple kind of life should probably not surprise Kaeya, with how easily he has settled into it here.]
There was a small entryway as you walked in... and then a living room. I had a lot of books, all the way along one wall, although I didn't read as often as I would have liked to.
Too busy? [Kaeya asked as he relaxes into his seat. Just listening to the words. Once he left the Ragnvindr estate his own flat is nothing special just like Dain. He had what he needed and that was all he wanted.
How interesting they both preferred the simple life.] A simple home isn’t so bad.
[Kaeya, please, of course he knows where you live. As much as anyone who might have casually seen him walk in and out of the same place on repeated occasions might be able to easily surmise that he lives there.
Dainsleif lets out a little laugh then and shakes his head.]
But... yes, too busy, I suppose... I have often found myself almost envious of people able to live a simple, uncomplicated life. I was busy back then, but my life was not complicated.
[His eye goes wide as the first statement sinks in. He had been very careful about his comings and goings from the tea shop.
Careful in keeping tabs on Dain each time he came to Mondstadt. He feels he had made a clean break from the past. But there is always the worry that he has been lying to himself and that the past will grab him eventually.
He swallows. Then sighs,] I see the life of a high ranking knight will never stop being busy. I had my hopes of some days being not so full of tasks.
[He takes a sip and closes his eyes. The scar over the eye normally covered itches a little. He rubs at it then opens his eyes.] While I know it is unlikely, I still hope you get some peaceful uncomplicated days ahead.
You’ll have at least one. I want you to be at my wedding in whatever capacity you want to be. Mondstadt weddings are very free form.
[If there was one thing that Dainsleif had not expected to hear, it was that. An invitation to a wedding is not something that has been extended to him in a long time and even with their relationship being as good as it is now, he would not have been offended had Kaeya not extended that kind of invitation to him.]
I, uh...
[He distracts himself with his drink for a moment, having still not touched his food, and looks down at the table.]
Hmn. [A few responses push their way to the front of his mind. 'Are you sure that's a good idea', he thinks, knowing of the kind of danger that tends to follow in his wake and the possible problems that can come attached to openly associating with a pure-blooded Khaenri'ahn.
But Kaeya knows all of that.]
I'll be there. I cannot say in what capacity, but even if you don't see me, rest assured that I was present.
[There is a heavy thumping sound. Kaeya pretends it isn’t his tail wagging but the stupid smile on his face gives him away.] I know it is a lot to ask. Thank you.
It won’t be heavily formal or anything. Neither of us want that. [Considering what their wedding would be like at Mondstadt this will be so far from that. He gets a cold sweat thinking of all the decor and formality he would have to have as a knight captain marrying an old noble family noble.
He drains half of his drink. He waves a hand.] Sorry, sorry. I thought of how it would be if it was in Mond and had a moment.
[They were talking about that, weren't they. He puts his mind back to it... and, stars, he's finding himself so strangely fretful that the memories returned to him will begin to slip away again. The erosion of time and the curse on him is not something that he has ever been able to fully combat, although things to resurface now and then and sometimes concentration in examining what recollections remain can turn up something new, but he has never recalled anything in such startling clarity as these fresh memories of places long-since destroyed.]
Where was I... ah... the books.
[He gives a small shake of his head.]
The kitchen was not often used... I tended to prefer to eat together with my men and the meals served there were more than serviceable. I preferred to foster a sense of family amongst us, rather than keeping myself aloof as their superior.
[Over time he's learned that Dain really isn't someone to be wary of. He still worries sometimes about his own family. He suspects a lot, but. This...it reminds him his knights look at him like he could battle the heart of the abyss and come out fine.] ...that sounds lovely.
[And familiar. But his lips twitch as he adds,] A kitchen rarely used...well, that used to be the case for me too. Luc is the king of ours, mm; it's enough to make a man feel a little competitive.
[He couldn't let Diluc have all the fun.] While I'm not surprised some things overlap with knighthood, it is nice to see.
It may have been five hundred years, but how humans connect with one another hasn't changed that much. I needed the trust and confidence of those under my command... I never felt that I could achieve that by keeping myself distanced from them.
[So he would sit with them, eat with them, laugh and show them that he was human too, and they would know that when it came down to it he would always be there at their backs just as they were at his.]
They followed my orders without question to the very end. I've always been very proud of them. [Ah, and there's something there... some little sting of pain that he skims over with a small smile.]
Aside from that, there was a bedroom, a bathroom, everything you might expect. As I said, I didn't live extravagantly.
It suits you. [His tail thumps against his seat again. He smiles.] I like it too. That’s something I miss here. I liked eating with my men and sharing drinks off duty.
Time in a tavern after a long day…it was always nice. [He smiles fondly and sips his drink. Then he settles.] Thank you for sharing that with me.
[Suits him? Hm... he supposes it does. It's the kind of life he had missed, that he sometimes envies the ability of others to have, and now...
Now he has that very thing, yet he finds it difficult to be grateful for it as he would be were he ever able to attain such a thing in Teyvat. But that's the thing, isn't it... he's never going to be able to have this in Teyvat.]
I'll admit... I feel like I've regained something lost by having spent time with you.
[It's not the first time he has expressed to Kaeya that he appreciates having him around, but the words come out regardless.]
You have no idea what it's meant. To just look into eyes like my own and not see hatred or suspicion in them.
[He sets his drink down and gets up. He comes within reach as he says,] I can say the same.
I don't...feel the weight of legacy and duty when I look at you. It's nice just to be and feel the ties of kinship. [Without the weight of what he suspects. Dain said his family weren't involved. But...he suspects that isn't true.
He sighs,] It's one of the things that makes this time very special. It will always live in my heart.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-02-04 08:33 pm (UTC)I experienced home, there. Months of time. When I woke up my fur looked like this. The patterns were as you see now. I decided to take a flight the day after I woke and when I became Dvalin it wasn’t Dvalin. It’s as far as I can tell the body and structure of it is similar but not quite.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-05 08:45 pm (UTC)Hm...
[He rubs his fingertips thoughtfully against the mark on his cheek, where it branches and peters out over his cheekbone, and picks up his cup of tea.]
Something uniquely you, I would guess, rather than your attempts to mimic the form of something else.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-05 09:30 pm (UTC)[He undoes the ties holding it in place and sets it on the table. His left eye burns gold, a phoenix mark in the depth of it. He coughs and his face heats a little.] The mark was there before. Luc has an icy peacock to match it.
[He skips right past that as he says mildly.] ...have you used those golems?
no subject
Date: 2023-02-10 03:16 pm (UTC)So Dainsleif only smiles and leans back in his chair, sipping at his drink and closing his eyes for a moment as the warmth of it sinks into the centre of his chest.]
Mm... unfortunately, I have. I was against the idea to begin with, but I was... persuaded.
[He does not like the idea of messing around with large mechs, really. Doesn't seem like a good plan.]
I don't intend to do it again. It wasn't what I would call a comfortable experience.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-10 08:32 pm (UTC)I met...a rather interesting bard in the process. But we saw into what I think was the depths of my soul. It was nothing like I expected. [Soul or the place he felt safest. Which makes him wonder why the gateway out was so... He shakes his head and takes a bite of his sandwich.]
Nothing like I expected at all.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-12 01:07 pm (UTC)[While where Dainsleif had ended up had not been particularly welcome, it had been a place that sat fondly in his faded memory as somewhere safe, somewhere that could always be reliably retreated to.
He has those memories back now. The mental image of his old home returned to him in crisp clarity. It's almost cruel, and yet he wouldn't want to lose it again.]
What did you see?
no subject
Date: 2023-02-12 04:26 pm (UTC)We saw Mondstadt. But it wasn't quite Mondstadt. No people. It was Mondstadt but not. Some of it was things I saw and heard with the clan. Angel's share was unchanged. And the gate out was...a pair of doors. Father used to describe a lot of things and it feels like it was cobbled together from that. The statue behind it was me. Half dressed as I am now, half as I did with the clan.
It was comfortable even if there were no people. That's why I felt like leaving. Mondstadt isn't meant to be silent. If there had been people in it. Music. Sound. The hustle and bustle I'm used to hearing every day? I would have felt like staying a while.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-18 02:33 pm (UTC)Leave it to Kaeya to make things complicated like that, but it does make Dainsleif think - as someone who is essentially a child of two worlds, and one of them being a country once directly destroyed by the gods... is there really anywhere where Kaeya truly feels entirely safe?
A sobering thought.
He reaches over and gently clasps his hand against Kaeya's upper arm, just for a moment.]
I found myself back in Khaenri'ah again. My old residence this time. I... [Hm.] I keep wondering if I might have the opportunity to show it to you some day.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-18 05:25 pm (UTC)[He looks into his mug as his face grows hot. It's safe to be honest here. He still lowers his voice a little.]
...This is the happiest I've ever been. It feels like I can just be me. Thank you for that, as always. [Then he rubs the back of his neck as he adds,] Can I ask a question?
no subject
Date: 2023-02-18 05:30 pm (UTC)Dainsleif settles back into his own chair and lifts his cup to his lips. His eyes dart Kaeya's way at the question and he pauses for just long enough to sip his drink before he answers.]
Of course you can. [Any question, of course, always comes with the caveat that Dainsleif may not be able to answer it. That is something that has been long-established.] You don't need to ask my permission for that.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-18 05:37 pm (UTC)[Like any time he jots things down, he pulls out a small battered-looking journal. It will be placed in his private files, just like all the rest. Things Dain wants to be kept private go into a locked journal for their eyes only.]
no subject
Date: 2023-02-19 06:37 pm (UTC)[He finds it interesting that that is the question that was asked out of all of the potential ones that Kaeya might have chosen in that moment. If it had been asked of him before that particular journey into the past he would not have been able to answer it save for in vague impressions which he would not have even been able to guarantee were from his own home.
But... there is a condition that comes with this particular query. Dainsleif reaches over and lightly places his hand on the notebook.]
But not for that. This isn't a lesson or something to be committed to record. This is my home, Kaeya. Do you understand?
no subject
Date: 2023-02-19 08:07 pm (UTC)[He meets his eyes.] All of my records have not just been to preserve the past. But also to preserve what you remember for yourself.
[He tucks his pen away.] But, I understand. There are some things I don't want to be written down too. [He merely has to think about this morning; Diluc smiling at him from the bathroom. Just for him. He straightens up.]
I'm ready.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-25 05:13 pm (UTC)I lived not too far from the king's palace, high enough in the city to have the most... spectacular view. [Dainsleif doesn't meet Kaeya's eyes - he's looking at the table, his gaze distant as he remembers things that he had thought lost to him forever.] It wasn't anything special, as far as homes go... I had no need for unnecessary luxury.
[That he prefers the simple kind of life should probably not surprise Kaeya, with how easily he has settled into it here.]
There was a small entryway as you walked in... and then a living room. I had a lot of books, all the way along one wall, although I didn't read as often as I would have liked to.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-26 06:57 pm (UTC)How interesting they both preferred the simple life.] A simple home isn’t so bad.
In Mond, I live above a tea shop.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-01 06:35 pm (UTC)... I know.
[Kaeya, please, of course he knows where you live. As much as anyone who might have casually seen him walk in and out of the same place on repeated occasions might be able to easily surmise that he lives there.
Dainsleif lets out a little laugh then and shakes his head.]
But... yes, too busy, I suppose... I have often found myself almost envious of people able to live a simple, uncomplicated life. I was busy back then, but my life was not complicated.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-01 07:33 pm (UTC)Careful in keeping tabs on Dain each time he came to Mondstadt. He feels he had made a clean break from the past. But there is always the worry that he has been lying to himself and that the past will grab him eventually.
He swallows. Then sighs,] I see the life of a high ranking knight will never stop being busy. I had my hopes of some days being not so full of tasks.
[He takes a sip and closes his eyes. The scar over the eye normally covered itches a little. He rubs at it then opens his eyes.] While I know it is unlikely, I still hope you get some peaceful uncomplicated days ahead.
You’ll have at least one. I want you to be at my wedding in whatever capacity you want to be. Mondstadt weddings are very free form.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-04 01:32 pm (UTC)I, uh...
[He distracts himself with his drink for a moment, having still not touched his food, and looks down at the table.]
Hmn. [A few responses push their way to the front of his mind. 'Are you sure that's a good idea', he thinks, knowing of the kind of danger that tends to follow in his wake and the possible problems that can come attached to openly associating with a pure-blooded Khaenri'ahn.
But Kaeya knows all of that.]
I'll be there. I cannot say in what capacity, but even if you don't see me, rest assured that I was present.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-04 05:33 pm (UTC)It won’t be heavily formal or anything. Neither of us want that. [Considering what their wedding would be like at Mondstadt this will be so far from that. He gets a cold sweat thinking of all the decor and formality he would have to have as a knight captain marrying an old noble family noble.
He drains half of his drink. He waves a hand.] Sorry, sorry. I thought of how it would be if it was in Mond and had a moment.
Can I keep hearing about your place?
no subject
Date: 2023-03-05 06:32 pm (UTC)[They were talking about that, weren't they. He puts his mind back to it... and, stars, he's finding himself so strangely fretful that the memories returned to him will begin to slip away again. The erosion of time and the curse on him is not something that he has ever been able to fully combat, although things to resurface now and then and sometimes concentration in examining what recollections remain can turn up something new, but he has never recalled anything in such startling clarity as these fresh memories of places long-since destroyed.]
Where was I... ah... the books.
[He gives a small shake of his head.]
The kitchen was not often used... I tended to prefer to eat together with my men and the meals served there were more than serviceable. I preferred to foster a sense of family amongst us, rather than keeping myself aloof as their superior.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-07 07:11 pm (UTC)[And familiar. But his lips twitch as he adds,] A kitchen rarely used...well, that used to be the case for me too. Luc is the king of ours, mm; it's enough to make a man feel a little competitive.
[He couldn't let Diluc have all the fun.] While I'm not surprised some things overlap with knighthood, it is nice to see.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-11 08:57 pm (UTC)[So he would sit with them, eat with them, laugh and show them that he was human too, and they would know that when it came down to it he would always be there at their backs just as they were at his.]
They followed my orders without question to the very end. I've always been very proud of them. [Ah, and there's something there... some little sting of pain that he skims over with a small smile.]
Aside from that, there was a bedroom, a bathroom, everything you might expect. As I said, I didn't live extravagantly.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-12 07:37 pm (UTC)Time in a tavern after a long day…it was always nice. [He smiles fondly and sips his drink. Then he settles.] Thank you for sharing that with me.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-17 07:14 pm (UTC)Now he has that very thing, yet he finds it difficult to be grateful for it as he would be were he ever able to attain such a thing in Teyvat. But that's the thing, isn't it... he's never going to be able to have this in Teyvat.]
I'll admit... I feel like I've regained something lost by having spent time with you.
[It's not the first time he has expressed to Kaeya that he appreciates having him around, but the words come out regardless.]
You have no idea what it's meant. To just look into eyes like my own and not see hatred or suspicion in them.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 09:17 pm (UTC)I don't...feel the weight of legacy and duty when I look at you. It's nice just to be and feel the ties of kinship. [Without the weight of what he suspects. Dain said his family weren't involved. But...he suspects that isn't true.
He sighs,] It's one of the things that makes this time very special. It will always live in my heart.
think we can wrap this one up? :3
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